


Kintsugi

by alittlebitAlexie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry Kissing, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animagus, Arguing, BAMF Lily Evans Potter, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Sirius Black, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Coming Out, Dry Humping, Fights, First Time Blow Jobs, Fist Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Remus Lupin, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, He just has several heart to hearts and gives really good advice okay?, Heart-to-Heart, Hogwarts Seventh Year, How did James become the Mom Friend?, Idiots in Love, James Potter is a Good Friend, James thinks voyeurism is hilarious, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Minor Injuries, Minor Internalized Homophobia, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, My First Smut, New Years, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, POV Padfoot, POV Sirius Black, Pining, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Snogging, Song: Somebody To Love (Queen), Unrequited Love, but it's not really smutty, by punching a wall, really minor instance of self-harm, the Prewett twins are one year below the Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitAlexie/pseuds/alittlebitAlexie
Summary: Kintsugi: (n) The ancient Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer with the understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.Sirius can't contain how happy he is to see Remus when he's in his Animagus form. Remus may or may not love it.When it becomes awkward for them to be together when Sirius is human, he knows something has changed. But what?
Relationships: Minor James Potter/Lily Evans - Relationship, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, minor Remus Lupin/Gideon Prewett - Relationship, minor Sirius Black/Fabian Prewett
Comments: 70
Kudos: 212





	1. Transfiguration Procrastination

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first chaptered fic. I'd love feedback, encouragement, and constructive criticism. Or just say hi! Comments literally make my day.

“I’m booooored,” Sirius huffed.

“Then just finish so you can stop,” James said without looking up from his Transfiguration essay.

“But I need Moony to help me! And he’s been gone for 18 years!” Sirius whined and rolled over on his bed.

“Pads.” Peter rolled his eyes. “He hasn’t been gone more than two hours. It’s just prefect patrols. You knew he was going to be gone tonight. Why didn’t you have him help you yesterday.”

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Peter. “Do you think Minnie would buy it if I told her a dog ate my homework?”

“No,” said both James and Peter in frustrated unison. 

While the Marauders weren’t the most studious bunch, they did do their work when it was required of them. This essay was due tomorrow and James and Peter were feeling the pressure of the upcoming N.E.W.T.s. Sirius was completely unfazed by the deadline, but he had been complaining since the second Remus had walked out the door.

“I think it’s worth a shot.” Sirius leapt off his bed and transformed in midair, landing on his paws as Padfoot.

“Oh no you don’t,” James muttered under his breath, “You’ve worked too hard so far on that damn thing to ruin it now.” 

James grabbed the Snitch out of his desk drawer and threw it towards Padfoot before he had a chance to start his homework feast. It sprang to life and spread its wings in just enough time to not hit him.

Padfoot leapt at it with abandon. His canine senses were heightened in his human form, but his instincts stayed subdued. But in his Animagus form, instinct reigned supreme. That is not to say he didn’t have his right mind, but it was more id than anything else. Therefore, while Sirius had plans to chew up his Transfiguration homework, Padfoot could easily be distracted by a shiny object just begging to be fetched.

Padfoot leapt all over the room trying to catch the Snitch. And truly, he came very close several times. But the lack of a broomstick and opposable thumbs worked against him. This charade bought James and Peter a few more minutes to work on their homework without Sirius’ whinging. However, James didn’t want his Snitch actually harmed and he knew the second Padfoot caught it, it would be all slobber and broken wings. By the third closecall James transfigured a paperweight into a squeaky chew toy. He Summoned the Snitch, squeezed the toy, and threw it past Padfoot in a matter of seconds.

Padfoot spun on the spot and snatched the toy out of midair. A muffled but triumphant bark rang out around the room. Padfoot lolloped over and onto Remus’ bed. He sprawled out on the foot of the bed and began chewing contentedly. 

About half an hour passed when a noise on the staircase had Padfoot on high alert: ears cocked, nose sniffing the air. A moment later Remus strolled into the room, already unbuttoning his robes. The second Padfoot saw that it was him he leapt off the bed and ran the length of the room in two strides. His tail was in danger of injury at the rate it was wagging.

Remus laughed, but didn’t seem all that surprised. Padfoot ran circles around him, sniffing everything in his nose's reach, barking ecstatically all the while. On the final circle around his friend, Padfoot got tangled in the robes Remus was halfway finished removing and down they both went.

Remus landed on his back with Padfoot’s front paws on his chest. Padfoot licked him from chin to forehead. 

“Aw, Pads, gross!” Remus wiped his face with a handful of robes. “Not the face!”

By the time Remus pulled the robes from his face, Sirius was back to his natural state.

“Oh but that’s your best feature! How could I ever resist?”

“Get a room!” James called from his desk. Sirius and Remus both blushed. “Thank Godric you're back, Pads has been going on and on about needing you.”

Remus’ eyes snapped to Sirius who was still sitting next to him on the floor.

“For Transfiguration. I need your help with my essay,” Sirius shuffled away and to his feet. Remus’ brows went up in the middle in, was it… disappointment? 

“Sure thing, Sirius.” Remus sighed and got off the floor. “Just let me get my things together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that because this is set in their seventh year that James was Head Boy and Remus wasn't a Prefect but I'm choosing to ignore that. Fight me.


	2. Snack Mission

“You’re too tall to share the cloak,” Sirius grumbled from Remus’ side.

Sirius and Remus were on the Marauders’ weekly Friday night snack run to the kitchens, under the Invisibility Cloak. It had actually been Remus’ turn but Sirius had insisted he be allowed to accompany him so that Remus got enough Pumpkin Pasties to put Sirius ‘in a food coma lasting until N.E.W.T.s were over.’ 

“It’s your fault I have to share in the first place,” Remus muttered.

“It’s not my fault Peter didn’t get enough last week and now I am burdened with the responsibility to supervise snack run missions.”

“You say ‘mission’ like it’s some---”

“Shhh! Did you hear that?” Sirius spun around to find the source of the noise.

It was Mrs. Norris. 

Remus panicked. “Run!” 

“We can’t run together under the cloak!” Sirius pulled Remus into the closest alcove. “You run with the cloak. Meet me on the second-floor corridor.” 

And with that Sirius transformed into Padfoot and took off like a bullet, the sight of him alone scaring Mrs. Norris back from whence she came. In all honesty, Sirius loved having the chance to run free as Padfoot and usually only got the chance on the full moon. He bounded up and down moving staircases and past empty classrooms for a fair few minutes to make sure to throw off Mrs. Norris in case she came snooping again. When he finally made it to the second-floor corridor he ran in circles while he waited for Remus.

“You’re mental you know.”

Padfoot stopped short, sniffing the air, until Remus took the cloak off. Padfoot ran straight to Remus and began sniffing him within an inch of his life. With his canine sense of smell he was able to estimate the route Remus had taken to get here. When Remus smiled and reached down to scratch his head Padfoot leaned into it like he would never be able to get enough. And truly, he wouldn’t. 

But Padfoot was too excited after his run to stand still for long and continued sniffing. He smelled something that he couldn’t quite put a finger on. It didn’t keep his attention for long though as Remus pulled a pasty from his bag and fed it to him. 

“Do you think the coast is clear?” Remus laughed as Sirius devoured the pasty and wagged his tail furiously in answer. “Well, let’s go then.”

Padfoot trotted next to Remus all the way up to the Gryffindor boys’ dorms. They entered to a cheer from James and Peter’s hands grabbing at the snacks. Padfoot continued trotting all the way to Remus’ bed, climbed on, and snuggled up at the end. He stayed there until Remus got ready for bed and went to get it.

“Budge up. If you stay down there I’ll only end up kicking you off before morning,” Remus said as he got in bed.

Padfoot stood and walked to the head of the bed and wedged himself next to Remus’ face, halfway on the pillow, and let out a contented sigh. Remus doused the lamps and closed the curtains of his four poster.

“Goodnight, Pads.” Remus put his arm around Padfoot.

Padfoot nosed his cheek and gently licked his jaw.


	3. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So this chapter is a bit longer, and more the length I had planned for them to be. I paused for so long between updates because I wasn't sure exactly where I wanted the story to go. I had a burst of inspiration and now I've got it mostly outlined. Updates *should* be more regular now. The comments and kudos literally make my day, so please keep them coming. It makes me feel less like I'm shouting into the void.

Padfoot always slept lighter than Sirius, something about the survival instinct. In the wee hours of that morning he woke up to the slightest of rustles next to him on the bed with his instincts on high alert:  _ what was that, His Moony was moving, why was He moving, is He in distress, oh He’s fine, just sleeping _ . Padfoot let out a sigh of relief and snuggled back into Remus’ neck.

“Ugh, Pads, you have dog breath,” Remus mumbled, still mostly asleep.

Padfoot transformed back into Sirius with a back cracking stretch.

“Better?” Sirius smiled into Remus’ neck as Remus huffed, smiling.

Slowly wakefulness gave Sirius his human brain back and he froze. What was he doing? He was snuggling with Remus in his bed. Oh shit.  _ Oh. Shit. _ Sirius sat straight up, jerking Remus to the side as he ripped himself out of his arms.

“I’m sorry, mate.” Sirius gave an uncomfortable chuckle. “I didn’t mean to stay all night.”

“It’s alright. It’s Saturday, not like we have to be up for class.” Remus stretched and snuggled back into his pillow.

Sirius had never felt so awkward in his entire life. He stood, getting tangled in the sheets on his way up, and made his way back to his bed. Though Padfoot had slept comfortably in nothing but fur, since Sirius had transformed last night when they were still on the kitchen mission, when he became human again he was still in his uniform, right down to the loosened tie and black shoes. 

He quickly shrugged off everything down to his pants, got in bed, and drew the curtains all the way shut. And though it was four o’clock Saturday morning, he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep.

By the time the other boys started stirring, Sirius had been staring at the ceiling above his bed for a fair few hours.

“Pads, get your lazy arse up. Breakfast.” James stuck his head with his mane of wet hair in between the curtains.

“Christ, James! I could’ve been wanking!”

“Are you serious? Don’t--” James held up a hand, realizing. “Don’t even think about it. I retract. But really, mate. That’s the first thought that comes to your mind?”

“It’s Saturday morning, you great pillock. Don’t act like you haven’t just finished wanking in the shower.” Sirius sat up in bed and let out yawn. “After living with you for seven years, and walking in on you a fair few times, I know your routine.”

“That’s mental, mate. Do you keep track of all of our wanking habits?” Sirius hesitated and James barked out a laugh. “You do! Tell me, when does Petey wank?”

“I don’t keep track of your wanking. I just know what it’s like to live with you idiots.” James gave him a pointed look. Sirius grumbled, “while the two of us are at Quidditch practice and Moony is in the library.”

James howled. “Well now we have to come back earlier and scare the literal spunk out of him. When does Moony wank?”

Sirius’ choked, his whole body heating except his hands and feet which broke out in a cold sweat. He tried to control his breathing and not let on to James that his heart was about to pound right out of his chest and onto the mattress between his knees. What happened? Sirius didn’t get shy around the topic of sex or wanking or really anything at all. You learned to get used to it, living in a dorm since you were eleven. He didn’t feel like this when he told James about Pete’s wanking, or even at the unwanted mental image of James in the shower just minutes ago.

Sirius pushed past James and out of the bed. “Give me a minute and I’ll be ready to walk down with you.” He grabbed his toiletry bag and escaped to the relative privacy of the loo.

Except it wasn’t private.

Moony was in there. Moony was in there in the shower. Moony was in there in the shower naked.  _ Fuck _ .

Sirius brushed his teeth and vacated the room quicker than he ever had. He was met with a suspicious look from James upon entering the dorm again. Refusing to make eye contact, Sirius pulled a pair of denims from the bottom of his wardrobe and the t-shirt that smelled the least offensive. He threw them on.

“Ready.”

“Hold on, Moony’s still in the shower.” Peter said from his bed, flipping through Witch Weekly. 

“Actually, I’m really hungry now. I’ll meet you guys down there.” Sirius was out the door before either of them could protest.

In the hall, Sirius mentally shook himself. What was going on with him? Since when had he had a problem with Remus? Sirius wracked his brain for anything that could have made him that uncomfortable even thinking of his friend, much less darting from the bathroom to escape his presence with a speed that very nearly could have been a disaster on the wet tiles. 

Sirius wanted to be sure that it was in fact Moony that did something to him. He thought of James. He thought of James sticking his head in the curtains this morning. He thought of talking about wanking with James.  _ Nothing _ . Obviously James wasn’t an issue. Sirius frowned, turning his thoughts to Peter. He thought of Peter reading Witch Weekly.  _ Why the hell was he reading that?  _ He took a breath.  _ Focus. _ He thought of Peter wanking after Quidditch. Still nothing.

Since Sirius was going through all the Marauders for a reaction, he felt it was only fair to evaluate Remus as well. You know. For science. He thought of Remus. His cheeks heated. He thought of Remus on the snack run last night. His stomach fluttered. He thought of Remus wanking in his bed in the evenings, with a silencing charm firmly in place. He came to an abrupt stop, his thoughts racing. He couldn’t think of Moony wanking. He was in public for fucksake. Nevermind that the hallway he was currently in was empty. That wasn’t something to think about all willy nilly, out in the open. Maybe he’d try again later.

By the time he made it to the Great Hall, he was thoroughly convinced something was different about thoughts of Moony. He just didn’t know what. He ate in a daze until the other Marauders showed up and Remus flopped down into the space next to him. Sirius froze mid chew, his mouth all of a sudden a desert. He swallowed with some difficulty.

“Took you blokes long enough,” Sirius said with, what he hoped was, nonchalance.

“Stuff it.” Peter buttered a piece of toast. “Unless you ran all the way here you can’t have been here more than 5 minutes.”

“Whatever. I’m off. Gonna go shower.” Sirius made to get up from the table.

“Wait!” James lowered his voice. “We were talking about going to the forest to have a bit of a run after breakfast. You’ll need a shower after that anyway.”

On Saturdays when there was no Quidditch, the Marauders sometimes went to the Forbidden Forest to transform into their Animagi as a way to let off some steam away from the castle. Remus, being a werewolf and not an Animagus, only transformed at the full moon, so he usually took the time to have the dorm quiet enough to actually get some homework done. He occasionally went with them if the work was just reading or, on the rare occasion he had finished all his assignments, he would simply walk around with them for a bit of fresh air. 

When they first started doing it, Sirius was worried Remus would feel left out. They became Animagi for him after all. And this was them taking that gift and doing it when he couldn’t. Remus, however, didn’t mind at all. He said he much preferred them using the talent not just at the full moon. It made him feel less like a burden, less like them turning into animals once a month was a job they had to do and more like something they did for fun. Besides, getting to spend time with the animals when he was in his right mind was always fun.

“Oh go on then. It has been a while.” Sirius picked his fork back up and stuffed a huge bite of eggs in his mouth. He could definitely use a bit of blowing off steam. He’d been jittery all morning. Yes, that’s exactly what he needed: a bit of time away from Remus to run and get his mind off things. He’d be back to normal in no time.

“And Moony’s coming with us this time,” James piped up.

Sirius choked.


	4. A Romp and a Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating two days in a row?! What is this? But for real though, I'm super proud of myself for staying more on top of it now that I have the plot sussed out. 
> 
> Please keep the kudos and comments coming. I love every one of them.

The second the Marauders stepped foot into the Forbidden Forest James transformed and took off. Peter waited a few more paces before shrinking into the underbrush and scurrying away. Sirius immediately felt awkward with being alone with Remus and transformed. 

_ MOONY! _

Padfoot's tail wagged furiously.

_ Moony Moony Moony Moony Moony! Play. Play with me Moony! _

Padfoot dropped into a play bow and barked at Remus. Remus chuckled, bent down, and slapped his hands on his knees. “You certainly woke up a bit more.”

Padfoot sprang at Remus and jumped up to his chest before running a circle around him in order to sniff at every angle. Remus picked up a stick and waved it in the air to get Padfoot’s undivided attention. As soon as he had it, he chucked the stick as far as he could deeper into the forest, and laughed at Padfoot running after it at full pelt.

_ Stick. Stick stick stick. Find the stick. Bring the stick to Moony. Show Moony what a good hunter I am. Smell stick. FOUND STICK. Bite stick. Moony! Bring Moony stick! _

Remus took the stick from Padfoot’s mouth and threw it in another direction and watched as he ran after it again. They continued the game until Padfoot came back panting and wagging and full of joy. Instead of bringing the stick straight to Remus’ hand, he dropped it on the ground at his feet and jumped up, catching Remus’ scarf in his mouth.

“Hey!” Remus pulled the scarf from around his neck. “You’ll strangle me!”

Padfoot huffed but didn’t let go of the scarf. He landed back on all four paws and pulled. Remus wrapped the scarf around his hand and pulled back.

_ Play! Moony play. Show Moony how strong I am. I can play. Show Moony I’m strong enough to take scarf.  _

They tugged against each other until Remus lost his footing on a patch of fallen leaves, his feet sweeping right out from under him. Padfoot yelped and fell back at the abrupt lack of tension but recovered more quickly.

_ MOONY! Is Moony safe? Is Moony hurt? _

Padfoot sniffed all over Remus until he was satisfied that he was unhurt.

“I’m fine, Pads.” Remus laughed and leaned against the nearest tree. “I’m just not quite as graceful as you.” 

If it was possible for a dog to preen that would be exactly what Padfoot was doing. He sat down at Remus’ hip and wagged his tail so hard he cleared all the leaves from behind him. 

“Are you worn out yet?”

Padfoot snorted and slid the ground, putting his head in Remus’ lap. Remus scratched his head and ears. Padfoot huffed contentedly and rolled over. 

_ Moony scratches. Moony scratches are best scratches. Belly scratches. Moony love. _

After a few minutes Padfoot rolled back over to lie half on top of and half in between Remus’ legs with his head resting on his thigh. He let out a sigh.

_ Moony. I’m safe with Moony. Pack. Moony is pack. Moony is home. Sleep. Safe to sleep with Moony here. _

~-~+~-~

Padfoot awoke with a start.  _ Sound. Steps?  _ He sniffed and recognized friends.  _ Prongs. Wormtail. Pack. Now we’re whole pack.  _ He wagged his tail sleepily.

“And what have you two been up to?” James raised an eyebrow after transforming.

“Fetch until he ran himself ragged. Turns out he really is a dog.” Remus chuckled.

“Pads, get up. We’ve got to go to have time to shower before lunch.” Peter stepped out from behind James.

Padfoot transformed. “Can’t miss a meal, now can we, Petey?” He let the back of his head thump back down on Remus’ lap.

“Shut up. I’m hungry. To keep up I have to run so much harder with the tiny little rat legs.” Peter pouted.

“Don’t take it personally, Wormy. Humor’s his defense mechanism,” Remus quipped.

At that Sirius finally regained his bearings. He froze, trying desperately to find a good excuse for the current position, and a solution to get out of it. Coming up empty handed he rolled quickly off Remus’ lap and scrambled to his feet. His cheeks burned as he turned to leave the forest.

“Well come on then.” Sirius hoped that urging them back towards the castle was distraction enough.

Remus got to his feet and dusted himself off so they could all set out for the castle. The whole way up Sirius was in crisis. How had he ended up with his head in Remus’ fucking lap?! What the fuck? His whole body was on edge at the thought. What was going on? He thought back to this morning and how thoughts of Remus’ wanking were the only thing to garner a reaction. He faltered. What if he was being homophobic?

Remus was the only gay Marauder. He had come out to them in third year when he kissed his first boy. It hadn’t changed anything at the time. He was still just Moony. Sirius wondered if he was having some sort of delayed onset homophobia. Was that even a thing? He wondered if the reason he didn’t flinch at the thought of James or Peter wanking was because he knew it would mean nothing to them. With Remus though. He must think of blokes when he wanks. That must be it. 

What if he thinks of Sirius when he wanks? That thought made Sirius’ stomach go wild before he thought that Remus would never do that. He wasn’t into blokes like Sirius. He liked them bookish, quiet, and swotty. Sirius was none of those things. At that thought the butterflies turned into a pit in his stomach. He sighed. But still for that second Sirius had thought of Remus wanking to thoughts of him he had a visceral reaction. He thought that must be homophobia. And he felt awful about it.

Sirius slowed his pace to let Remus and Peter move ahead and continue talking about their Potions essays. He oh so subtly pulled James back and threw up a hasty but strong silencing charm.

“James, I need your help.” Sirius met his eyes with ones full of emotion.

James, sensing his best friend’s graveness, immediately went into protection mode. “What happened?” 

“I think I’m homophobic.”

James barked out a laugh. “You? Of all people? You’re homophobic? No you’re not.”

“But today! Earlier today when you asked about Moony wanking, I panicked. Why would I do that unless I’m homophobic. I didn’t have a problem talking about you or Peter wanking. I even tried to think it all through and Moony wanking was the only one I reacted to! It must be because I’m scared to catch the gay. And that’s mental and not a real thing and a terrible thing to think of your friend!” Sirius blurted out all in one breath.

“Calm down.” James thumped Sirius on the shoulder. “I don’t think you’re homophobic. I think you’re just homo.”

Sirius nearly fell on his face tripping over his own foot. 

“Well, actually bi,” James continued, “since you’ve snogged your fair share of birds.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not bi. That’s-- that’s just not what I am.” Sirius shook his head. “That can’t be right. It must be that I’m homophobic.”

James shrugged. “I can’t tell you what you are, mate. It’s just my opinion. But I can tell you, you’re not homophobic. Stop beating yourself up. If you were homophobic you’d have felt this way the second he came out to us.”

Sirius wasn’t convinced.

Once they made it back to Gryffindor Tower Sirius took a longer shower than strictly necessary. He’d told the other three that he would meet them in the Great Hall. James had smirked and looked at him knowingly. But now he had the whole bathroom to himself. Perfect. Time to prove he didn’t like dick. He shook his head at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation but ran his hand down to his eager cock anyway.

He turned his thoughts to girls. Just girls. He thought of Mary, she was quite fit. Long blonde hair, nice tits. He thought of Dorcas with her thick legs and arse. He started to stroke himself. He thought of Lily. She had always been pretty. But oh fuck. Don’t think of Lily. James would kill him if he found out. Okay, maybe thinking of girls he knew wasn’t the best tactic.

He conjured up images in his head of the magazine he currently had hidden under his mattress. He saw all the naked witches winking and giving him eyes as the wizards plowed into them. That’s better. He lathered more soap in his hand to use as lube.  _ Now, we’re getting somewhere. _ He thought of the centerfold. He felt the thrum of pleasure through his body. It wouldn’t be long now. The witch had her legs wide for the wizard entering her. The wizard looked a little like Remus, actually. He had the same sandy hair and long legs. Sirius moved his hand faster. He was reminded of last night, sharing the cloak with Remus. He thought of sniffing him as Padfoot and finding a smell he couldn’t identify. Until it hit him. It was arousal. Remus had smelled of arousal.

Sirius painted the shower wall with his spunk immediately at that thought. He kept stroking until the last waves of orgasm left him. He leaned his head on his arms on the wall.  _ Fuck.  _ This couldn’t be happening. And who the fuck had Remus been thinking about that night in the hallway as he waited for Padfoot to show up?

~-~+~-~

“James. I think I’m bi and I fancy Moony.” Sirius had pulled James up to the dorm to talk to him after lunch. Remus had gone to the library with Peter to work on their Potions homework. The door was firmly closed and locked before Sirius had rounded on him.

“I know.” James kicked his shoes off and climbed up to lie on his stomach across his bed with his head at the foot to face Sirius.

Sirius paused halfway through unlacing his Dr Martens. “What the fuck?” 

“You’re my brother and I know you, Pads.” James gave him a meaningful look. “You’ve been arse over tit for him since at least fifth year.”

“How the fuck did you know? I didn’t even know!” Sirius paced back and forth between his bed and Remus’.

“I see the way you look at him when he’s not watching. You help him stay on top of homework when he’s recovering from the full moon when you couldn’t give two shits about your own.” Sirius tried to interrupt but James kept talking. “You visit him so often in the hospital wing that Pomfrey literally had to put limits on how much time a visitor can spend in there per day.”

When James finally stopped for a breath, Sirius cut in, “That’s just being a good friend. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“You don’t visit me when I’m in the hospital wing.”

“But--”

“When I broke my leg last year in the Quidditch finals you came once, ate all my sweets, and told me they ruled it as a win to stomp the snitch into the ground, then left after ten minutes.” James rubbed his shin unconsciously. 

Sirius paled. “Oh fuck. Does he know? He’s going to be so mad at me for taking the ‘only gay Marauder’ thing away from him on top of ruining our friendship with my awkward.” Sirius paced faster. “He can’t know, James! I can’t ruin it!”

“Calm down. You didn’t ruin anything. This won’t be awkward unless you make it awkward.” James paused to collect his thoughts. “You don’t have to come out to anyone if you’re worried about it. I think everyone would be happy to know you’re comfortable enough to tell them, but it’s your business. We’ll all love you the same either way, even Moony.” He ended his speech with a firm nod and a mumble of what sounded like, “especially Moony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of the Padfoot POV. I have an upcoming chapter where Sirius is in Padfoot form for a lot of it. I haven't written in the Padfoot inner monologue yet. Do you want it?


	5. The Big Announcement

It was a few weeks of coming to terms with his sexuality before Sirius decided to come out. He’d spent that time thinking, wanking, and worrying, but mostly avoiding Remus. Even though he had decided to come out, his fears of Remus’ reaction were not quelled even a little bit. But like all choices Sirius made, once he came to a decision, he acted immediately, consequences be damned. No point in dragging it out.

Gryffindor had won the Quidditch match that afternoon so most of the Gryffindor upperclassmen were in the common room that night celebrating. The record player Sirius had painstakingly charmed to work with magic was blaring Queen from the corner. There were drinks and dancing. This was just the setting Sirius wanted for his announcement. The liquid courage in the form of the firewhiskey flowing through his veins was immaterial.

So far James had gotten completely sloshed to celebrate Lily finally agreeing to go out with him. (“ _On a trial date, don’t you make me regret it, James Fleamont Potter_.”) Remus was dancing with Gideon Prewitt off to the edge of the makeshift dance floor. After some coaxing from his fellow Marauders, Peter had worked up the nerve to ask Mary to dance. She had politely declined. This left him to nurse his glass of firewhiskey on the couch by the fire, playing Gobstones with Frank Longbottom. Sirius finished his drink and made his way to rescue Lily from James. He really thought Remus ought to come take Lily away since she was obviously looking for an exit but he was busy dancing with stupid fucking Gideon.

“Prongsie.” Sirius wrapped an arm around James’ waist and pulled him away from Lily with a wink. “I’m going to do it."

“Don’t you dare! She’s mine!” James stumbled in Sirius’ grip. “She knows my middle name and everything.”

“You’re so pissed.” Sirius rolled his eyes and deposited James into an armchair. “I’m talking about telling everyone I’m bi.”

“What?! Really?! Yay, Padsypoo!” James gave some celebratory jazz hands from his deeply slumped position in the chair.

“Mate, how much have you had?” Sirius laughed.

“Not that much.” James belched to the side towards Peter, who pulled a face.

“Well, stop for a minute. I’m going to make an announcement.” Sirius plucked James’ drink from his lap, much to James’ protest, and downed it in one go.

Sirius climbed up onto the arm of James’ chair to preside over the room. “Attention! Your friendly neighborhood Sirius Black has an announcement!” He shouted into the room with such gusto he nearly toppled off the chair.

A few people turned to look. This was not nearly the audience Sirius wanted. After getting Frank to whistle for everyone’s attention, it finally started to get quiet. Someone pulled the needle off the record.

“Thank you. Good evening, fellow Gryffindors! Tonight is a night of celebration, as we defeated our worthy adversary, the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.” Sirius basked in the cheers that burst forth around the room. He was in his element: the center of attention. “As you know, I am the most eligible bachelor this side of the Hogsmeade.” A few laughs and playful boos rang out in the relative quiet. “And up until this point only the lovely ladies of Hogwarts have benefitted. But I am here to announce tonight that I, Sirius Black, am bisexual and open for business.” He winked. “Thank you and goodnight.” 

James’ deafening hoots sounded as if on cue. This seemed to urge the rest of the room into reaction. Some whistled, some cheered or clapped, some rolled their eyes thinking it was another Marauder prank, but overall the response was positive. Sirius looked out over the sea of Gryffindors and took a bow. Upon straightening up, he made eye contact with Remus for just a moment before Remus abruptly turned and pushed his way across the dance floor, knocking into the record player in his haste and causing the needle to screech back onto the record at full volume. 

The party immediately started again with the music. But Sirius stayed standing on the chair to watch Remus make his way all the way across the room and through the door leading to the boys’ dorms. Sirius deflated slightly. He had held on to a tiny hope that Remus would be welcoming him into the brotherhood of gay. But it turned out all his fears of anger and rejection were right.

“For the man of the hour!” James thrust a firewhiskey into Sirius’ hands and jarred him from his dysphoria. Sirius hopped off the chair and threw it back like a shot. 

“Another!” If he couldn’t drink with Remus, he’d drink away the thoughts of him. “Shots for everybody!” Frank, ever the party animal, jumped up to help Sirius pass out shots to the whole room. When Sirius got to Lily she pushed the shot glass back into his hands and gave him a piercing look.

“You better not be dicking around. If you’re making fun of Remus I’ll hex your bollocks off.” Then before Sirius could even reply she turned and disappeared through the door that, if he had been a bit more sober, he would have realized led to the boys’ dorms.

Sirius shook off her words with another shot before making his way to the dance floor.

~-~+~-~

Sirius woke to a splitting headache, a crick in his neck, and nausea that would’ve brought him to his knees if he weren’t already face down on the ground. He groaned. What the fuck happened last night? He rolled over with no small amount of effort.

“Morning, sunshine.” James pressed a phial into Sirius’ hands. “You may want to make it to the toilets before you take that.”

“Why do you keep buying the cheap hangover potions that make you puke? You can afford the good stuff,” Sirius whined, still on the floor.

“The less I spend on potions, the more I can spend on alcohol. Priorities, sweetheart.” James sounded far too chipper for this early on a Sunday morning. “Come on, up you get.”

James took Sirius’ hands and heaved him to his feet. With a nod of thanks, Sirius stumbled up the stairs, through their bedroom, and into the en suite toilets, all while trying not to open his eyes all the way for fear of worsening his headache. Once in a stall, he sank to his knees, pulled his hair in a bun, and downed the vile potion. It tasted like troll dung. The phial slipped from his fingers and shattered on the floor as he dry heaved into the toilet. After a few rousing and painful convulsions, he spewed what felt like the entire party’s worth of alcohol.

Sirius flushed the toilet and rocked onto his hip, slumped his weight against the stall wall. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply through his nose. The smell of vomit making this entirely unpleasant but he knew the alternative might make him sick again. When he started feeling more like a functioning human being he took stock. He still had his trousers on; always a positive after a Gryffindor party. He was missing his shoes, shirt, and one of his socks, they were probably in various corners of the common room, but most importantly: he still had his wand. 

Overall, not the worst condition he’d ended up with the morning after a party. He’d once ended up starkers on the roof of greenhouse five. It was a good thing James had found him before Sprout turned up for her morning checks and got an eyeful. They never did find his clothes from that night.

After evaluating his person, his surroundings started to seep into his consciousness: a shower running, the cold of the tile floor, the sounds of someone getting dressed in the next room. He wrestled his way to his feet, vanished the broken glass from the floor, and shuffled his way to the sink for a vigorous teeth brushing. A night of drinking, a hangover potion, and several metric tonnes of vomit had made his mouth taste and smell like something had crawled in there and died.

“There he is! Good as new.” James smiled from his bed.

“Shut up.” Sirius pulled the lone sock off his foot and threw it at him. “Breakfast?”

A few minutes later, they made their way down to the Great Hall reliving the events of last night. James filled Sirius in on what happened after he made his announcement. He and Peter and James had apparently tossed their shirts, gotten on the table and performed a truly moving rendition of Somebody to Love. Sirius had been on vocals, Peter on percussion, played entirely on his bare belly, and James on air guitar, whistling the notes.

“I don’t know what happened to Moony by that point. I haven’t seen him this morning so I assume he snuck off to the 6th year dorm with Gideon.” James put his hands to his heart. “I’m so proud.”

“No. No he didn’t.” Sirius struggled to remember. “He ran out of the room to bed as soon as I finished my speech.” He paled. “Oh fuck, James. Why the fuck did I get drunk and yell to everyone that I was ‘open for business?’--”

“--because it was funny,” James cut in. Sirius didn’t even pause.

“Who the fuck does that?--”

“--you, apparently.”

“He’s gotta be mad that I’m giving the gays a bad name now. I’m not good enough to be associated.”

“Calm down, mate. That doesn’t make any sense. It was all in good fun. What better way to come out? I bet Gideon followed him right out of the room and that’s where he’s been.”

But it wasn’t. Remus hadn’t been at breakfast and when they got back to the dorm afterwards, it was clear that his bed had been slept in the night before. He had just left before any of them woke up. Not a difficult task seeing as the other three Marauders were dead to the world with hangovers until they nearly missed breakfast. They didn’t see Remus at all until dinner. They had been eating for a few minutes when Remus walked in the hall, arm in arm with Lily. They sat at the far end of the Gryffindor table and didn’t look over at the other Marauders even once.

This routine continued for several more days. By the time Sirius, James, and Peter woke up, Remus was already gone. He sat with Lily at meals and in lessons. In the evenings he got ready for bed in lightning speed and closed all the curtains on his four-poster. His behavior only changed when forced to by the imminence of the full. The morning of he didn’t get out of bed for breakfast. He didn’t show up for lessons. When they came back at lunch to check on him he was gone. A quick check of the map showed he was in the hospital wing with Lily. It wasn’t unusual for him to need some Pepper Up the day of the full, not that it helped that much. But he didn’t come back to the dorm at all that day. He stayed there until it was time for Madam Pomfrey to escort him to the Shrieking Shack.

“Well, lads. Another month, another moon. Time to go.” James tried for levity.

They made their way down to the Whomping Willow under the Cloak. Sirius transformed as soon as they were in the tunnel. Padfoot was faster than Sirius like Prongs was faster than James. It made the journey more bearable to get there faster. Wormtail hitched a ride on Prong’s back. But if anyone asked, no he did not.

They emerged into the Shack with some time to spare before moonrise. They liked to be there with plenty of a buffer so Remus never had to go through the first stages of transformation alone. Those were always the most painful. When Padfoot stepped into the bedroom he saw Remus lying curled up under a thin sheet in a cold sweat. His clothes in a neat pile on the bedside table. 

_ Moony. Moony in pain. Must help. _

He gently hopped onto the bed behind Remus and licked his cheek to let him know he wasn’t alone. Prongs pawed at the dusty floor. Wormtail squeaked. The waiting was always the worst part. 

That’s what Sirius always thought until he had to see Remus go through the transformation. Watching his friend go through bone shattering, flesh ripping agony every month while all he could do is stand there and watch and wish he could take Remus’ pain away was the worst torture there was. Sirius would take a thousand werewolf transformations if it could only stop Remus’ pain. But he couldn’t. Nothing could.

Then bliss. A few hours of unbridled joy and playfulness. No longer having to tear his own skin and claw the walls looking for escape. They ran and wrestled and pounced until their legs were wobbly with exhaustion. Prongs led the way back to the Shack. Once inside they collapsed in a dogpile on the bed as a pack. Padfoot snuggled up to Moony with more joy in his heart than he had felt in weeks. 

Until moonset. Then the agony began all over again.

During these times Prongs and Wormtail had to keep their distance. Wormtail was too easy to crush or fling across the room in the violence of the transformation. And Prongs presented the opposite problem. He was too easy to impale oneself on in all the thrashing. These were the times Moony needed Padfoot the most. Padfoot could only offer comfort and support, but he did so with his whole heart.

He whimpered and whined at seeing his packmate in such distress. But he didn’t budge. He stayed on the bed through all the tremors, all the howls, and all the gasps for air. When Remus was fully back to himself, Padfoot gingerly crept closer to nuzzle up to his chest. Feeling the air go in and out of Moony’s lungs was comforting. This month hadn’t been any worse than any other month for lasting injuries, but he still had a large gash across his left bicep. Padfoot tenderly licked the wound.

“I’m okay, Pads,” Remus croaked. He pulled Padfoot into a hug, buried his face in thick, coarse fur, and let silent tears stream down his face. 

“How are you? Any emergencies?” James asked the second he transformed. The Marauders always made sure Remus was well enough to wait for Madam Pomfrey to return. They weren’t allowed to be there and would surely be expelled if the staff found out what they did every month. But if Remus was too injured to live for the few minutes it took Pomfrey to get to him, education be damned, they would go get help. It hadn’t happened yet in all the moons they’d spent together. But it would only take one.

“I’m fine. Go.” Remus’ face emerged from Padfoot’s fur.

Padfoot whined.

“Come on, Pads.” James turned to the door.

Padfoot whined again but didn’t move.

“Padfoot. We have to go.” Peter sounded worried. He was always the most scared of being caught.

Another whine. James went to pull Padfoot off the bed but stopped short when he raised his hackles and growled.

“Padfoot. You have to leave now,” Remus said weakly. Padfoot tucked his muzzle under Remus’ chin and whimpered. “Sirius. Look at me.” He winced. “You have to get out of here.”

That got his attention. They so seldom called him by his real name when he was Padfoot. He slowly got to his feet and crossed the room to James and Peter, head hung low, tail between his legs. He turned to look back at his packmate once more before he crossed the threshold out of the room.

He whimpered all the way back up the tunnel.


	6. A Heart to Heart, A Fist to Stone, and a Hand to Cheek

“I have to meet Reg to help him with Potions,” Sirius mumbled to James, “Can you bring Moony his homework from today?”

Sirius hadn’t set foot in the hospital wing once since the full. He hadn’t been able to face Moony. For the past three days he’d been pawning off Remus duty on James and Peter with increasingly flimsier excuses. And he knew they saw through it. Regulus was a top student in Potions and would never accept help from Sirius of all people. Sirius was thankful to his friends for not commenting on his thinly veiled excuses until--

“No.”

“I’m sorry, what--”

James held him in a most determined gaze. “I will not. You have to bring it.”

Sirius balked. James was supposed to support him. He knew he had to come up with an ironclad excuse that James couldn’t refuse. But there was none. He began to sweat.

“I refuse to stand by and watch you destroy your friendship with Remus over some bruised pride.” James crossed his arms determinedly.

Sirius floundered. “That’s not what this is about. Reg needs--”

“Shut up!” James pointed at him. “That’s a lie and you know I know it.” He tugged on his earlobe, his most telling nervous habit, exhaled, then spoke with tired resignation. “Look, mate, you have to go talk to him. Lily told me--”

“Oh, Lily told you?” Sirius mocked, “Why didn’t you just say so? If the new girlfriend has orders, we can’t disappoint.”

James tensed and turned red. “I’m going to let that slide because I know you aren’t really mad at me or Lily.” He took a deep breath. “Whether you like it or not, Lily and Moony are really close. If she says he’s hurting, I believe her.  _ You _ have to fix this. And you can’t do that ignoring him.” Sirius scoffed. “He thinks you hate him, mate.”

“Hate  _ him _ ?” Sirius ground his teeth so hard it hurt. “Obviously he has an issue with me being bi because he hasn’t been able to stand being in the same room as me since the night of the party. ”

“You know that’s not true. The morning after the full--”

“I was Padfoot,” he spat. “Not Sirius. And he wasn’t around me because he wanted to be. He  _ needed _ something from me.” Sirius squeezed his eyes shut against the pain of that statement, then ground out, “he needs Padfoot after the transformation. He doesn’t want anything to do with Sirius.” He kicked the leg of James’ bed so hard it jostled the headboard into the wall. 

“That’s not true. Have you ever thought that maybe the reason he’s more comfortable with you as a dog lately is because Padfoot acts like he actually wants to be with him? You can’t let a little crush come between--”

“It’s not a little crush,” Sirius snarled. A second later his face crumpled. He sat on the edge of James’ bed and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

James stopped short. “You love him.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course I fucking love him.” Sirius looked up at James with overbright eyes. “I don’t know if I’m  _ in love _ with him. But I care about him. So goddam much I’d do anything for him. Whether he wants me back or not.”

“At the risk of sounding cliché, I’m going to say that sounds like love to me,” James said gently.

“And he hates me.” Sirius hung his head.

“If you really believe that, you’re an idiot.” James shook his head and made for the door. “Bring him the damn homework, Sirius.”

That was how Sirius found himself standing outside the closed doors of the hospital wing, Remus’ textbook and essay instructions in hand. He could do this. He would just bring in the homework and leave it on the bedside table. Maybe Moony would be asleep. He always needed so much sleep after the moon. 

He wasn’t.

The second Sirius was fully in the room, their eyes met. He walked steadily to Remus’ bed.

“So you’ve finally deigned to grace me with your presence?” Remus looked away.

Sirius stared at the ground. “I’m just here to drop off your homework.”

Remus reached his palm out without looking away from the window.

Sirius paused, squaring his shoulders. “Look, I don’t know what your problem is lately but--”

“Unbelievable,” Remus muttered.

“What was that?” Sirius had heard him clear as crystal. He was just buying time so he wouldn’t lash out.

“UNBELIEVABLE,” Remus bellowed. “I said you are unbelievable. To come in here and act like I’m the one who has done anything remotely--”

Too late. Sirius exploded. “Are you kidding me? Don’t act like I’ve done anything wrong. You’ve barely even  _ looked _ at me since the night of the party--”

“And why the fuck do you think that is, hmm?” They were shouting over each other at this point.

“Obviously you have a problem with me being bi. What, so you’re one of those arseholes who doesn’t think bisexuality is real? You were fine with me shagging girls all over the castle but the second it could be blokes the whole fucking world is ending!” Sirius slammed the book on the table so hard it knocked Remus’ glass of water to the floor, shattering it. “Fuck!”

“No! You know what?” Remus raised his voice as Sirius walked away. “Fuck whoever you want, Sirius! I couldn’t care less!” He was properly screaming now. “Just get the hell out!”

Sirius slammed the door behind him. 

He walked down the corridor, trembling harder with each step, until he turned to the wall and punched stones. Pain seared through his hand and up his arm. He punched again and again until he was sweating and sobbing and leaving more blood on the wall than his fist.

He only stopped to gasp for air and lean his forehead on the wall. He pulled his wand from his pocket and tried to heal his knuckles. It was sloppy, trying to maneuver it with his left hand. His knuckles would scar. He needed Madam Pomfrey but he wouldn’t go back in the hospital wing for all the gold in Gringotts.

When he walked back in the common room, he saw the perfect person to help him.

“Fabian! I need to talk to you.” Sirius didn’t even stop walking until he was in the 6th year boys’ dorm, all the while praying Fabian had actually followed him.

“Hey, Sirius. What do you ne--  _ mhmp _ ”

As soon as he heard Fabian behind him, Sirius turned and crowded him against the door, fiercely pressing their lips together. This Prewett twin wasn’t known for his diffidence, pausing for only a second before tangling his hands in Sirius’ long curls and kissing back with skill and ardor. Sirius was able to let his mind go blank for a few minutes of panting and rutting and groping until his thoughts turned to Remus. Remus avoiding him. Remus angry with him. Remus screaming at him.

Sirius pulled back with a gasp. “See you around!” He winked and was gone before Fabian had time to answer.

They repeated the encounter several times the following day, between lessons, in bathrooms and broom cupboards and alcoves, Sirius always leaving when Remus invaded his thoughts, James frowning when they reemerged. 

That night after Quidditch practice, Sirius walked into the common room, fresh out of the shower, wearing nothing but a thin pair of pajama bottoms. He was looking for his Charms text but what he found was Fabian in an armchair without another person in sight. Fabian raked his eyes down Sirius’ naked torso and lifted a brow. Sirius launched himself over the couch and onto Fabian’s lap. 

Their snogging had been getting more and more heated with every instance but when Sirius straddled him, shirtless, he may as well have dumped gasoline on a fire. Fabian slid his hand down Sirius’ pants to palm his arse, eliciting a moan of appreciation so loud they didn’t even hear the portrait hole open.

A thunderous crash rang out in the common room, jolting them apart.

Remus and Lily stood by the portrait hole. The stained glass window by the staircases had shattered onto the thick rug. Remus appeared to be struggling to take deep breaths before he bolted back out of the portrait hole.

For a few moments, all Sirius could do is stare into Lily’s increasingly furious eyes. She marched straight to them.

“Get lost, Prewett.” Lily glowered down at them.

Fabian stood so abruptly he dumped Sirius onto his feet and practically scampered for the stairs, no doubt locking his dorm door behind him. There were few people more frightening than an enraged Lily Evans.

She swung her arm back and slapped Sirius across the face with all the strength she had. He swore and stumbled back.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She was positively seething.

Sirius put his palms up, trying to placate her. “What are you--”

“Shut up!” she barked. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You stuck up, narcissistic, self-centered, arsehole! Why are you trying to hurt Remus? You’re supposed to be his friend!”

People were starting to come down from the dorms to investigate the source of the shouting.

“I’m not trying to hurt him.” Sirius stepped forward with a sneer to rival his Lucius Malfoy’s. “So what he’s not the only gay Marauder anymore, boo hoo. They’ll have more to pick from now.”

“Are you insane? That’s what-- You’ve been-- Fucking-- You’re trying to show him up with the amount of people you can snog?” she raged. 

“No, I--” Sirius started.

“So snogging the identical twin of his date the night you came out isn’t a statement that anyone he can pull you can pull better?”

Sirius felt like he’d been slapped again.

She paused to take a breath. She’d worked herself up in a proper frenzy.

“Do you even realize what you’re doing to him? Let me give you a hint,” she hissed, absolutely boiling with wrath, “He walks into his common room after being sick for days, still weak as anything, sees you practically fucking Prewett right out in the open, and gets so upset that, despite him still recovering, he has a pulse of accidental magic so strong that it shatters a window through protection charms that have held strong for over a thousand years.”

Sirius faltered.

“So don’t give me that bullshit about not trying to hurt him. You really are a piece of work, you know that, Black?” She gave him a look of such disgust and absolute contempt that he was reminded of his mother, and that was truly a high bar.

Lily turned to leave and finally noticed their audience. “Show’s over, arseholes,” she muttered as she stormed out to find Remus.

In the nearly seven years he had known her, Sirius had never seen Lily Perfect-Prefect-Stern-But-Fair-Goody-Two-Shoes Evans lose control like that. All he could do for a few moments was blink and stare at the spot she had been.

He had never been put in his place harder.


	7. A Mature, Adult Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me this far into this fic. It's one of those that gets better as it goes along, in my opinion. 
> 
> I love getting the kudos and reading all the comments! Thank you so so much!
> 
> And I'm 90% sure I've settled on a new title so I'll probably update it tomorrow. Just a heads up.

Sirius trudged up the stairs in a daze to his empty dorm. He couldn’t even begin to process what Lily had said to him. He flung himself face down on his pillow and groped around for his one of the pair of two-way mirrors that hung on the wall next to his four-poster. When he got it, he turned his head to the side and looked in the glass.

“James,” he called into his reflection. Then muttered, “please have your mirror on you.”

He waited. A minute or so later his reflection faded away into James’ palm grabbing the mirror out of his pocket. His face came into view.

“Are you okay, mate?” James sounded worried. How could he have known something was wrong. Did he really look that miserable?

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat. "I need you."

“I’m coming.” He could tell James was running before he even got the mirror back in his pocket. What did he do to deserve a friend like that?

A few minutes later James came busting into the room, slightly out of breath. Sirius hadn’t moved a muscle, not even to put the mirror down. James gently took it from his hand and put it back on the wall. He knelt in front of Sirius’ face.

“Talk to me.”

Sirius closed his eyes. “I fucked up. I don’t even know where to start.”

“You could start with getting punched in the face by my girlfriend.” James grinned. His usual method of comfort was to try to lighten the mood.

“Shut up.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “She slapped me. She didn’t punch me.” He sat up against the headboard with a smirk.

“Close enough.” James nudged him over and took the spot next to him.

“Did she tell you everything?” 

“Yeah.” James sobered. “Remus ran into me on the way back to the hospital wing and she found us in there.”

Sirius’ smirk was replaced with a look of worry. “Is he okay?”

“He just needed a Calming Draught. But Pomfrey is having him spend one more night there on account of the accidental magic and it already being so late.” James patted Sirius on the knee. “Physically he’s fine.”

“Just physically?” Sirius could feel his eyes prickle.

“He’s fine,” James evaded.

Sirius let his head hit the bedpost with a thunk. “What am I going to do?” 

James shifted to face him a little more. “You’re going to have a mature, adult conversation with him and tell him what’s going on in that thick head of yours.”

“You know I can’t do that. I’m not mature or an adult.” Sirius grinned halfheartedly then sighed. “I can’t tell him I’m in love with him and expect it not to shatter our friendship.”

“And it’s not broken now?” James gave him a concerned look. “You’ve barely talked to each other in weeks. You need to tell him so he understands that you’ve not done any of those things to hurt him.”

James patted him on the shoulder and got up to get ready for bed. “I’ll make sure you have the room to yourselves before we get on the train tomorrow.”

“Oh, right.” They went home for the Christmas holidays the next morning. For the past several years Sirius had spent it with the Potters, they were his real family after all. He thought briefly about staying at Hogwarts over the break to brood. But he knew that would do more harm than good. He needed a hug from mum anyway.

The next morning they all stumbled blearily out of bed (Remus from the hospital wing) bright and early to do all of the packing they’d put off. The train wasn’t until 11:00am but they had to leave enough time to lug their trunks to the entrance hall. James hurried Peter along with pointed looks that let Sirius know James had told Peter outright why they had to get out of the room. 

When Sirius finished packing he sat on his trunk at the end of his bed, bouncing his legs and waiting for them to leave. The second they did, he stood up and nearly ran out of the room after them. Instead, he steeled his nerves, faced Remus’ turned back, and cleared his throat.

Nothing. 

He cleared it again.

Still nothing.

On the third one he got a response.

“Do you need a Pepperup Potion?” Remus continued to pack.

“I need to talk to you.” Sirius took a step forward.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Remus slammed the lid of his trunk, fastening the latches with shaking hands.

“Then just listen to me. Please.” Sirius waited for an answer but none came. He took that as permission to speak. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“Just apologizing doesn’t fix it, you know.” Remus shook his head and turned around. “You’ve been an arsehole for weeks.”

“I--”

“You were anxious around me for days before you started ignoring me completely,” Remus snarled, “If you decided you didn’t want to be my friend anymore you should have just said it and saved us both the trouble.”

“That’s not what happened.” Sirius gritted out. He was losing control of this conversation. And Remus had been the one doing the ignoring, thank you very much.

“Oh no?” Remus marched up to him. “You seem to be getting on quite well with your new friend. Didn’t take long to replace me.”

“What are you talking about?” Sirius spat.

“You went ahead and got yourself a Prewett too.” Remus taunted.

Sirius bared his teeth. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’d better have another one lined up soon,” Remus jeered, “your conquests don’t normally stick around very long. Not quite as loyal as actual friends.” He sneered in a way that made Sirius’ blood boil.

“Stop it,” Sirius hissed.

“What? Can’t handle the truth? Take it as my parting gift from this friendship.”

“Shut up!” Sirius roared.

“Make me.” Remus scowled with a challenge in his eye.

Sirius smirked and pushed him hard in the chest. Remus retaliated by punching him in the jaw. Sirius tasted blood. Before Remus could swing again, Sirius punched him in the gut. He doubled over, wheezed, then straightened to charge at Sirius, ramming him all the way to a post of Sirius’ bed. They stood there, pressed together, glaring into each other’s eyes, panting. Sirius felt the wood dig into his shoulder and Remus’ heartbeat pound against his chest. 

Sirius wasn’t sure what made him do it. Or even if it had been him at all. But suddenly they were kissing. It was the most violent kiss Sirius had ever had. And it was wonderful. There were no soft lips and sweet nothings. Instead there were scraping teeth and aggressive tongues. Remus clawed at Sirius’ spine with one hand and wound the other into his hair with a grip so tight Sirius thought he might rip it out. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus with bruising force. 

They stumbled across the room until they hit Remus’ bed. The world tilted and they bounced on the soft mattress. Remus wrapped his legs around Sirius’ waist and ground their hips together. If Sirius’ eyes hadn’t already been closed he might’ve blacked out. They groaned in unison. Sirius trailed his tongue down Remus’ jaw, pausing to kiss and bite at his neck. Remus snaked his hand from Sirius’ back to grip his arse. Sirius growled and started fumbling with the buttons on Remus’ shirt.

“No,” Remus groaned. Then seemed to come back to himself and said more firmly, “No!”

He pushed Sirius away and scrambled off the bed. “I’m not going to hate fuck you.” He grabbed his trunk and made for the door, panting.

“Why not? Suddenly I’m not good enough?” Sirius got to his feet. “I know I’m not as swotty or as quiet as you usually like them,” he mocked.

When Remus kept walking, Sirius shouted, “Answer me!”

Remus stopped in the doorframe but didn’t turn around. 

“Because I love you, you colossal twat.” And he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god the drama! What do you think it means? Will they make up or is this it for them?


	8. Christmas 1977

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have no idea how proud I am of myself for getting out a chapter a day for this many days in a row. SOOO if there are any typos or errors, it's because I'm trying to rush to maintain my streak. (Because I'm way more productive when I have a streak, no matter what area of my life.) Please point them out to me if you see them so I can fix them.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH IT THIS LONG!

Sirius spent the next week doing everything he could to not think about his situation. He did everything from baking cookies with Mrs. Potter, to watching the Muggle telly with Mr. Potter, to sneaking out at night with James to go to the pub. But it didn’t keep him from thinking. He did everything with an air of a man possessed. It was Remus o’clock in his head, all day everyday. 

Up til that point James hadn’t asked what happened between Sirius and Remus that morning they left Hogwarts. He assumed it wasn’t good because Remus had found another compartment to sit in with Lily on the train. After days of Zombie Sirius, James was fed up with waiting for him to volunteer information. They only had one more day until they went back to school.

All the Marauders were heading back to school early so they could be together for the full. The Shrieking Shack was far better equipped than the Lupins’ basement. Since they didn’t ride the train together James had waited until they were all on the platform at King’s Cross to confirm the dates with Remus.

“So we’ll all meet back at school on the 22nd?”

“What?” Remus was taken aback. 

“That’s 3 days before the Christmas Eve moon, right?” Peter questioned.

“I-- I didn’t want to assume you’d come back this year.” Remus tugged on his jumper sleeve. “You’ll miss Christmas with your families.” 

“Spending Christmas with the Marauders  _ is _ spending it with family.” James put his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Besides, Mum and Dad know it’s important. I didn’t even have to remind them of it. They keep track of the moons because they care about you too.”

Remus had just swallowed thickly, sniffed, and nodded before they all made their way to meet their families.

“Alright, out with it.” James stopped Sirius from entering the back door of the cottage. They’d just finished a pickup game of Quidditch where a bludger had nearly knocked Sirius off his broom when he didn’t hear James’ shout of warning.

“I just didn’t see it coming.” Sirius shrugged and tried to push past him.

James blocked him again and steered him to the porch swing. “You know what I’m talking about. Tell me what happened with Moony.”

Sirius sat and threw his broomstick at his feet. “We argued.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” James leaned on the railing, facing him. “Walk me through it.”

“You’re gonna want to sit down.” Sirius went through every detail of the argument, every word he could remember. And he remembered quite a lot. He didn’t think he’d ever forget Remus telling him their friendship was over.

James’ eyebrows shot up. “He really said that?”

“He said ‘a parting gift from this friendship.’”

“Christ, mate. Is that everything?”

“No.” Sirius hid his face and finished the story with all the particulars of the fight: a literal blow by blow. The only details he left out were the raging erections when they had finally made it to the bed. He assumed James could infer. 

James didn’t speak for a long time, looking out over the garden.

Sirius looked up. “Jamie?”

“You have to talk to him again. You can’t lose your temper. If he’s going to lash out when you try to talk to him then you have to keep it together enough for the both of you.” James turned to him. “Tell him you love him. Tell him you’re sorry. Tell him you’ve been a complete arse, because you have. And ask him what you can do to make it right.”

“I can’t tell him I love him! He doesn’t even want to be friends with me anymore. After seven years, he’s just going to walk away.”

“He told you he’s in love with you, for christsake! What more proof do you want that he doesn’t want to lose you?” James burst out.

“No, he said he loves me. You love me. Pete loves me. But you’re not  _ in love _ with me,” Sirius was grasping at straws. How could someone like Remus be in love with  _ him_?

“Oh my god you really are a colossal twat.” James shook his head. “That boy is so clearly in love with you. He literally exploded a window when he saw you kiss someone else! Talk. To. Him. If you don’t I’m going to lock you in a room together until you either kill each other or work this out, so help me Godric, Sirius.”

“I don’t know, mate.” 

“Yes you do.” James sounded almost sad. “You just don’t want to believe that he could love you too.”

“Fine! Fine, you’re right.” Sirius threw his hands up. “He just-- And I--” He shook his head, deep in contemplation. What did he have left to lose? Remus was already gone. If this didn’t work at least he couldn’t make it any worse. At least with this there was a chance (however infinitesimal) they could end up together. “Fine. I’ll owl him.”

James shook his head. “No, you need to talk face to face.”

“Face to face?” Sirius mumbled. “Oh my god. Face to face!” He jolted upright and faced James. “I need a favor.”

~-~+~-~

The first day back at Hogwarts was colossally awkward. Since they weren’t coming back with the rest of the students they had to floo into Hogsmeade and walk to the school instead of taking the train. This meant they could get there just after breakfast. 

James and Sirius arrived first and decided to hang around in the dorm to wait for the others. Remus got there next and busied himself with unpacking so he wouldn’t have to look at Sirius. James did his best to foster conversation and civility. But mostly he just carried on a conversation with himself, with occasional input from Remus and Sirius. Remus directed his comments to James, never addressing Sirius. The pressure eased a little bit when Peter showed up, helping James make conversation.

Since it was still technically the Christmas hols they could go into Hogsmeade whenever they liked so they decided to spend the day there. Not only would it give them something to do other than bask in the tension between Sirius and Remus but it would also be the last day before the full that Remus would be up for going. 

They wandered from store to store, stocking up at Honeydukes and Zonko’s. Eventually the Christmas shopping crowds got to be too much so they stopped off in The Three Broomsticks before heading back up to school.

By dinnertime the tension had relaxed a considerable amount. Remus still wasn’t directly addressing Sirius but the conversations flowed more naturally. Sirius intentionally sat next to Remus at dinner so he was able to ask him things like “pass the carrots” and “hand me a roll.” Remus did so without eye contact and mere grunts of acknowledgement.

Remus needed to go to bed early in the days leading up to the moon so all four of them got ready for bed straight after dinner. This time the silence was at least companionable.

The next day Remus didn’t feel up to going to get breakfast so the others brought breakfast to him, even though he only ate some dry toast. Sirius made sure his teapot never ran too low or too cold. He even got eye contact and a nod out of Remus. The first time he’d looked at Sirius since the fight. 

They spent most of that day doing all the homework they’d been assigned over break but had yet to look at. Again, Sirius was very attentive to what Remus needed. Whenever he had a jolt of pain that caused him to break a quill, Sirius had a replacement. Whenever he shivered with the inevitable building fever, Sirius had a blanket. Whenever he finished an assignment and moved on to the next, Sirius had the text he needed.

Overall, this was the most interaction they had had in over a month. And Sirius was drinking it in.

Remus spent the next day in bed. The day before the moon was always the worst, eclipsed only by the day after. Sirius brought him everything he could possibly need and more. The pile of sweets was overflowing. The number of pillows was astronomical. And the options of food were endless. 

When the time came, Sirius helped him down to the hospital wing.

“See you on the other side, Moony,” Sirius offered as they parted ways. This earned him a weak smile and a “thank you.” Sirius could have sung.

That night the Wolf and Padfoot stayed even closer together than usual. They walked like they were attached at the shoulder, never more than a few feet apart when they rolled and played and ran. They ended the night in a snuggly tangle of limbs on the dingy bed in the shack. Prongs and Wormtail giving them some room.

At moonset, Padfoot stayed lying against the Wolf’s back through the whole transformation, ignoring the fact that he got walloped and clawed in the process. He wasn’t going anywhere. 

When Remus was fully back they assessed the damage and found him in considerably better shape than usual. Just a broken wrist along with the inevitable scratches and bruises. Padfoot stayed against his back while James declared him fit to wait for Madam Pomfrey. James and Peter were waiting at the door for Padfoot. He transformed and sent them on ahead.

For a few minutes Sirius just curled around Remus’ back, wrapped an arm around his waist, and breathed in the scent of him. 

“I missed you,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ shoulder.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come for this moon,” Remus rasped.

“I’ll always be there for you. No matter what.” Sirius leaned forward and murmured in his ear, “Happy Christmas, Moonbeam.” Then kissed him on the cheek and made his way back to the castle.

The next morning Sirius, James, and Peter gathered their presents, stayed in their pajamas, and snuck into the hospital wing. It was Christmas morning and full moon or not, they were going to spend it as the Marauders. Sirius crept in first, under the Cloak, keeping a lookout for Madam Pomfrey, and found the room deserted except for the very far bed surrounded by curtain partitions.

Perfect. Far enough away from Madam Pomfrey’s quarters that they could spend Christmas with Moony without being caught. They needed the distance because they couldn’t put up a Silencing Charm as the hospital wing was spelled to only let medical professionals use magic in its walls. And if she caught them they would no doubt be kicked out under the pretence of Remus needing rest. Sirius whispered that the coast was clear and the three of them snuck over to Remus’ bed.

“Shhh. You’re going to wake him up,” James hissed at Peter when he knocked into a partition.

“M’awake,” Remus mumbled and emerged from under the sheet. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re having Christmas, you dolt.” Peter sat on the bedside table to the left. Remus blinked.

James cast a Doubling Charmed on the visitor’s chair to the right so he and Sirius could both sit. “We weren’t about to open presents without you.” He sat in the chair closest to Remus’ head.

Remus looked absolutely exhausted and in pain, but touched that his friends would spend Christmas in hospital for him.

Sirius scooched his chair slightly farther back. He didn’t think he could look at Moony too much without doing something to ease his pain or jumping on the bed and trying to snog him. He had to push that thought right out of his head. 

They laid the presents out on the foot of the bed and sorted them to their owners.

“But the presents I have for you are still in the dorm.” Remus squirmed. He hated little else more than being unprepared.

“It doesn’t matter.” James tore into his gifts from Sirius and Peter. “We’ll just have a whole other day for those presents. You’re doing us a favor by being a werewolf, really, doubling Christmas and all that.”

They all laughed and opened their gifts. Peter tried to shush them but that only escalated the situation. And for a few moments everything went back to normal. No fighting, no awkwardness, just the Marauders, as they should be.

“What’s all this noi--” Madam Pomfrey appeared from around the partitions. “What in Helga’s name do you three think you’re doing?”

They were able to bargain five more minutes with the promise they wouldn’t come back until tomorrow afternoon.

“Happy Christmas, Moony!” James Vanished the extra chair and headed for the partition. 

“I’ll sneak you some food from the kitchens tonight that’s better than the hospital wing stuff so you can have a real Christmas dinner.” Peter smiled and followed James out.

Sirius and Remus were alone. Sirius shuffled his feet and almost lost his nerve.

“Um, here.” Sirius handed Remus a small parcel with a very lopsided bow on it. 

“Tie this yourself, did you?” Remus’ mouth ticked up at the sides, just barely.

“Sod off.” Sirius grinned. “Just open it.”

Remus carefully pulled off the bow and unfolded the tissue paper. He looked surprised to find a card on top.

_ Moony, _

_ I know we’ve been having a rough time of it lately. But I don’t want to lose you. You mean more to me than you could possibly know. I’m sorry for everything. Can we stop fighting? Because I fucking miss you. I don’t ever want to go this long without talking to you, and joking, and laughing, and taking the piss, and just being together. I have so much I want to tell you and I can’t do it if we don’t talk anymore. This is one of the two-way mirrors that James and I made in third year. Just say my name into it and I’ll be there. _

_ Love, _

_ Padfoot _

Remus sniffed and tried to subtly wipe his eyes. “You stole James’ mirror for me?” He gave a wet laugh.

“Actually I have his. I, uh, wanted you to have the one that was mine.” Sirius looked at the floor. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not.” Remus shifted.

Sirius looked up to see Remus holding the mirror to his chest and studying Sirius’ face. Sirius tried to hold back his smile. 

“Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaned down to plant a kiss on the top of Remus’ head and dared to hope this might all work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is actually when the full moon was in 1977 so I'm pretty proud of that. *hair flip* But in order for the timing to work out for their break, I had to make it start earlier than it actually would. But whatever.


	9. A Mature, Adult Conversation (Reprise)

Just as they promised, the Marauders waited until the next afternoon to come for a proper visit. Remus already looked considerably better. Turns out they were right about this moon being better than usual.

“Alright, Moony?” James bounded over to him and flopped down on the foot of his bed.

“Alright.” Remus tucked his feet up to make more room for Peter to squeeze in next to James.

Sirius unpacked the bag they’d brought from the kitchens and passed out the food. He eyed the bed. He wanted to snuggle in next to Moony more than anything in the world at that moment but they needed to talk first. Yesterday morning had definitely been a breakthrough for them but they still needed to work things out.

Sirius chose the visitor’s chair instead. Remus shifted a little against his pillow. Had he been about to make room for Sirius on the bed? But-- he shook his head. He couldn’t get caught up in thoughts like that right now. There would be time later. Sirius had asked James to make sure he and Peter left before Remus got too worn out so that Sirius could stay and talk to him.

As they ate, Peter told them all about his holiday home in London and the Muggle girl he fancied there. Remus relayed the message of love and gratitude from his parents. And James regaled them with the dramatic tale of Sirius falling off his broom.

“Oi! I didn’t actually fall off! I caught myself!” Sirius threw a pea at James.

“You almost did though. You were quite distracted.” James raised a brow when Sirius gave him a subtly threatening look. Now was not the time to tell Moony that he’d been so distraught over their fight that he literally could not function. Maybe never was the time.

Sirius abruptly steered the conversation away from himself and they talked for almost an hour just like old times. It was even better than yesterday had been. Eventually Sirius gave James a pointed look who then made an excuse for why they should leave and ushered Peter out.

Sirius stared at his shoes. “Hey, Moony? Can we talk?” He looked up with just enough time to see Remus gulp.

“Yeah,” he said uncertainly. 

“I want to say I’m sorry again. I never--”

“Pads, wait. You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t really do anything that I didn’t push you to.” Remus pushed the blankets around on his lap. “I don’t have any say on who you do anything with. I don’t think bisexuality is fake, by the way. And I’m glad you came out.” He gave a small smile. “How long have you known?”

“Well, uh, just recently.” Sirius settled on.

“Oh.” Remus looked a little dejected like he thought Sirius didn’t want to talk about it.

Sirius didn’t know how to make it better so he changed course a little. “I’m sorry I snogged Fabian. I didn’t do it because I was trying to one up you like Lily said. I can see now that’s what it could’ve looked like.”

Remus looked shocked. “When did she say that to you?”

“Right after you left the common room when you found us. Well, not directly after. She slapped me in the face first. Then she told me that.” Sirius couldn’t help but give a self deprecating smile.

“Oh my god! I had no idea.” Remus tried not to laugh. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. She’s definitely stronger than she looks though. Stay on her good side.” Sirius gave his first genuine smile. They were finally joking together again. Then he turned sincere again. “I deserved it.”

“No you didn’t. I did.” Remus held up a hand to stop Sirius’ protest. “I’d been awful to you for weeks. You didn’t deserve it.”

They paused for a moment. Sirius tucked his hair behind his ear to have something to do.

“What happened to your hand?” Remus grabbed it and pulled Sirius out of his chair to look closer. 

“Oh, er, I had a disagreement with a stone wall.”

Remus looked up in surprise. “What? When?”

“Right after we fought when I brought you the homework.” Sirius couldn’t meet his eye. 

“Sirius. What the hell has been going on with you?” Remus pulled Sirius down to sit next to him on the bed. “It’s like lately you don’t want to be around me unless you’re Padfoot. And if you’re Sirius you can’t keep it together. I don’t know what I did.” The last sentence was quiet. Almost like he wasn’t sure he wanted Sirius to hear him.

“You didn’t do anything.” Sirius was awash with guilt. “You’re perfect. And I-- Well--” Sirius stopped. How was he supposed to say this? He’d practiced a million different conversations on his head for this moment but none of them measured up to what Moony deserved.

And there he was. Looking at him so earnestly. Blushing at being called perfect. Trying to hide his sadness at his friend rejecting him. This was a mess. Sirius decided to just spit it all out at once.

“Okay. So. It’s not that I don’t want to be near you when I’m human. That’s all I want to do. I just can’t control how I feel about you when I’m Padfoot. I can’t control my fucking tail wagging and how all my instincts tell me they you’re the only person in this world that matters.” Sirius was talking fast and looking at his knees. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. So I stayed away. I didn’t want to break the Marauders up over some stupid unrequited crush.”

Sirius heard an intake of breath from beside him but knew if he didn’t plow on, he’d lose his nerve and never get it all out. “You’re what made me realize I was bi just this year. I’ve been, as James says, ‘arse over tit for you since fifth year.’ I just didn’t know what it meant at the time. And now I know it’s because I’m fucking in love with you. And you mean too much to me to lose you so I’ve been trying to make it go away so I don’t ruin our friendship.” Sirius paused for just a moment to draw in a breath.

“Have you been successful?” Remus cut in, also not looking at Sirius.

“What?”

“Have you been able to make it go away?” Remus clarified.

Sirius closed his eyes. “No,” he said in a small voice.

“Good.” 

Sirius jerked his head up and stared at Remus with wide eyes in just enough time to be pulled forward by the collar until their lips crashed together. This was the kind of kiss that Sirius had imagined with Moony. Passionate and fervent and heated but also sweet and caring and--

“Wait.” Sirius pulled back. “So is that what you meant? The day we left for break? You didn’t mean you just love me as a friend?”

“Do you know why I’ve been avoiding you since you came out?” Remus grabbed his hand and twined their fingers together. 

Sirius shook his head and broke their eye contact. This was it. This was Remus telling him they could never really be together. He would have just answered the question with a ‘yes’ if he wanted him. Their kisses were great but there was nothing between them. He bit his tongue so he wouldn’t cry in front of Moony.

“Before you came out I could ignore my feelings for you. You were straight. I never liked seeing you snog girls. But I could tell myself you weren’t capable of loving me back in the same way. It wasn’t personal. But when I found out you were bi. And when I saw you kissing Fabian, it was too real. I couldn’t handle seeing you with a bloke that wasn’t me.” Remus took a breath. “I knew you  _ could _ fancy blokes. It was just me that you didn’t fancy. ”

Sirius held his breath for a second, waiting to wake up. He didn’t. This was real. Moony was real. Moony really loved him back. He blinked. 

“Moony, you’re the only bloke I fancy.” Sirius finally met Remus’ intense gaze. “I was so mad and hurt after we fought in the hospital wing, I grabbed the first bloke I saw. I just needed something to get you out of my head.” Sirius smirked. “It didn’t work, by the way. You were still all I thought about.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” Remus sniffed.

“I’m sorry I hurt you too.” Sirius leaned his head on Remus’ shoulder and squeezed his hand. “What now?”

“Well, I just found out the bloke I’ve been pining over for literal years is in love with me too so I don’t care what’s next as long as I’m with him.”

“He sounds pretty lucky.” Sirius looked up and pressed a kiss to Moony’s (his boyfriend’s?) cheek. Remus threaded his free hand in Sirius’ hair and guided their lips together as Sirius gripped Remus’ ribs and pulled their chests flush.

“It’s time for your pain potio-- Mr. Black!” Madam Pomfrey bustled around the partition with a tray. “Mr. Lupin needs rest! He is here to recover! These beds are for convalescence not copulation!”

Remus had never blushed so deeply. It was the most beautiful thing Sirius had ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally happening!!!!! AHHH! We're getting so close to the end! Which honestly, I'm kind of sad about. This is my first chaptered fic and I've loved working on it and updating it and getting to talk to you guys in the comments when I post a new chapter. I have another wolfstar fic in progress that I'll post soon so comment on that one too so I don't miss you too much, 'kay?


	10. A New Year's Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all she wrote. I have loved writing this fic and I really hope you've loved reading it. I'm so sad to see it go but excited to keep writing more things. Please please read the notes at the end.
> 
> (Also I slightly altered the last line of chapter 9 last night. So very slightly. I just wanted you to know so you have the most updated thing to read.)

“Moony!” James cried as Remus and Sirius walked into the common room the next evening, hand in hand.

“You’re out early!” Peter grinned.

“Pomfrey said I was doing better than normal and could go.” Remus dropped onto an armchair.

“I can see why.” James waggled his brows, eyeing their held hands.

Remus blushed.

“Yes, my cock has magical healing powers.” Sirius sighed, sprawling across Remus’ lap.

Remus pushed him onto the floor, still blushing furiously. “Shut up. We were in the hospital wing. Nothing happened.”

“Yet.” Sirius muttered and leaned against Remus’ knees.

“So you two worked everything out then?” Peter looked hopeful. 

“Right as rain. Can’t keep up apart. Meant to be. True love and all that.” Sirius only half joked.

“Thank Godric.” James looked at Remus. “You should’ve seen this one moping all over the place 24 hours a day over break.” he nudged Sirius’ foot, then dodged a kick. “A literal lovesick puppy.”

“Shut up!” Sirius hissed, “I have to look cool in front of my new boyfriend!”

Remus suppressed a laugh and ran a hand through Sirius’ hair.

“Wait, if you’re out early we can do Christmas Part Two now!” Peter piped up.

Remus grinned. “I’ll go get the gifts.” 

“I’ll help you.” Sirius followed him up to their dorm. He paused in the doorway, feeling uncomfortable. “Look, it’s okay that you didn’t get me anything. I know we were fighting when you would’ve gotten something. I can just hang out up here while James and Pete open theirs so they don’t feel bad.”

“What? No, of course I got you something.” Remus dug three wrapped boxes out of his trunk and set them on his bed.

“How? You’ve been in the hospital wing since we made up.” Sirius sat on the end of his bed.

Remus blushed. Sirius would never get over being the reason Remus blushed. “I, uh, I ordered it a few months ago actually. So that it would be here in time.” He picked up the biggest box and brought it over to Sirius who didn’t even try to hold in his face splitting grin as he tore the paper off and opened the box. He stopped short when he saw what was inside.

“Oh my god.”

Sirius ran his hand over a brand new, shiny motorcycle helmet. It was the color of parchment and hand painted to look like the front of Marauder’s Map. It had the illustration of Hogwarts on one side and the banner that said “Itinerarium Maraudentium” on the other. Instead of the regular shoe prints to indicate a person’s location that appeared on the actual map, it had four sets of animal tracks: a wolf, a dog, a stag, and a rat. Sirius turned it around in his hands and noticed, just above the bottom edge on the very back, it said “up to no good.”

“I know you don’t actually need it yet. But I know you’ve been talking about getting a bike as soon as we graduate forever. So. If you don’t like it, I can send it back and get something else. Or we can charm it to look different if you want.”

“I love it,” Sirius whispered and looked up. “It’s perfect.”

“Oh.” Remus smiled. “Good.”

Sirius pulled the helmet on. “How do I look?” He threw his arms out in a pose and turned his head from side to side.

Remus bit his lips. “Um, really quite fit, actually.”

Sirius grabbed Remus’ hips and pulled him forward to straddle his lap. “The only problem is I can’t snog you while I have it on.”

“I guess you’ll have to take it off then.”

Remus pulled the helmet over Sirius’ head, sat it on the floor, and tangled his hands in Sirius’ hair. Sirius slowly ran his hands from Remus’ hips, under his shirt, up his back, and to his shoulders. 

“Do you have any idea how long I have been waiting to do this?” Sirius breathed into Remus’ neck.

“Almost as long as I have?” Remus gasped and bent his head to capture Sirius’ mouth in a blazing kiss.

“Aha!” James busted in through the door. “See, Wormy? I told you they were snogging!”

“And I told you to leave them alone,” Peter said from the doorway.

“Get your presents and go away!” Sirius didn’t take his eyes off Remus and waved his hand in the direction of the bed where the gifts sat.

“Okay, okay! Keep your pants on.” James gathered the boxes and made for the door. “At least until we’re gone, that is,” he said with a leer.

Sirius pulled a shoe off and threw it at James as he disappeared through the door and shut it behind him.

Sirius toed off his other shoe, unlaced and removed Remus’ as well, and brought their lips back together. Sirius scooted backwards up the bed and Remus crawled up over him, never breaking the kiss. 

This was everything. 

They were finally together. Finally together in the way they had both wanted for so long. When they had shed their clothes Sirius rolled them over and looked down into Remus’ eyes. His boyfriend’s eyes.

“You are so beautiful.” Sirius slid down Remus’ body, “Don’t laugh. I’ve never done this with a bloke before.”

Remus leaned up to meet Sirius’ eyes, “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfor--  _ unnggaaa _ .” Remus lost the ability to form coherent words for the next  _ several _ minutes. Turns out Sirius’ enthusiasm more than made up for his lack of experience.

“Fuck,” Remus breathed when Sirius joined him at the head of the bed, then kissed him deeply, tasting himself on Sirius’ tongue, and smiled into the kiss. As soon as Remus had full control of his body again he roughly flipped Sirius onto his back, held his hips down, and swallowed him down.

“We never locked the door.” Remus said a while later as they lay facing each other, their legs and fingers tangled together.

Sirius groped for his wand on the bedside table. He flicked it and the curtains around the four-poster whooshed tightly shut.

“Oh, and don’t think I’m letting you go back to your bed tonight. I mean you don’t have to  _ ever _ go back to it. But especially not right now.” Sirius rolled over and backed up into Remus, who wrapped an arm around his waist. 

Sirius felt him smile widely into his neck before he kissed it. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

For the next three days Sirius and Remus were never more than a few feet apart. They slept in the same bed, alternating between their two four-posters. They snuggled in the same chair in the common room, doing homework, talking, or napping. They were even able to shower together without James or Peter noticing. (They noticed.) 

“Morning, lads! Happy New Year’s Eve!” James jerked open the curtains of Remus’ bed.

“Jesus fuck!” Remus snatched his hand off Sirius’ cock and jerked the covers up over their naked forms.

“Get out, Prongs. I’m not stopping.” Sirius hadn’t even faltered in his rhythm of slowly wanking Remus.

Remus roughly pushed Sirius’ hands off him and rolled his beet red face into the pillow. “Why are you two like this?”

“A complete lack of boundaries?” James shrugged.

“Yeah, probably.” Sirius magicked the curtains shut again, then murmured, “But you love us.” He slowly rolled Remus back over and continued wanking him. “Stop listening, James!”

“Never!”

Sirius threw up a Silencing Charm before he put his wand back down. “Happy New Year’s Eve, love.”

“Happy New Year’s Eve.” Remus hooked one leg behind Sirius’ knee and brought their cocks together, gripping them with one hand.

“Oh fuck, Moons.” Sirius rested his forehead on Remus’ shoulder, then a few minutes later he gasped out, “Oh,  _ oh _ . I’m gonna--”

“Yeah,” Remus panted. 

They both spilled over his fist and groaned. It was the first time they came at the same time. And in Sirius’ opinion, that made all the difference.

“I love you.” Sirius gently pressed his lips to Remus’ shoulder.

“I love you too.” Remus wrapped his boyfriend in his arms and seriously considered going back to sleep, sticky mess between them and all.

“Breakfast?” Sirius said a minute later.

That was their biggest disagreement so far. After sex, Remus wanted to curl up and snuggle and sleep. But Sirius wanted to curl up and snuggle and eat. So Remus had taken to keeping snacks in their bedside drawers so they could both have what they wanted.

Remus flicked Sirius’ wand, cleaned the mess, and summoned a pumpkin pasty through the curtains, breaking the Silencing Charm.

“I know that means you’re finished!” James called from the other side of the room.

“How does he know that?” Remus whispered.

Sirius shrugged, smiling at his boyfriend’s scarlet face. “We’re not exactly subtle.”

The Marauders spent the rest of the day lazing about the common room until Lily burst through the portrait hole just before dinner. James leapt up, gathered her in his arms, and kissed her deeply. Sirius threw a handful of Every Flavor Beans at them with a “booooo!”

James flipped him two fingers behind his back. “You two are way worse.”

“What are you doing back early?” Remus addressed Lily.

“I’m here for New Years, obviously.” Lily grinned. “Can’t have a New Years kiss if my boyfriend is across the country.”

James gathered her trunk up and brought it to her dorm with her. Peter, not wanting to be alone with what was soon to be two of his best friends snogging, announced he was going to shower before dinner.

“You know, I’ve never had a New Years kiss before.” Remus nuzzled his nose up Sirius’ neck, just under his ear, making him sigh.

“Me either.” Sirius brought his hand up behind Remus’ neck.

“Good.”

“A bit jealous, are we?” Sirius breathed a laugh.

“I’ve always been jealous over you.” Remus peppered kisses across Sirius’ throat.

Sirius closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“No.” Remus put his hand over Sirius’ mouth. “I didn't say it to make you sorry. I said it to let you know how much I love you. No more sorrys. We’re here now.”

“But I’m sorry we had to break our friendship to make it here.” Sirius looked at him solemnly. 

“It was worth it. I’d rather have the broken friendship and get to have this than always wishing I could have more.” Remus stroked a thumb over Sirius’ cheek. “I like us better like this.”

Sirius smiled. "Me too."

When the rest of the students came back for the spring term everyone was surprised to find that Sirius Black finally had a steady significant other, but (now that it was common knowledge he was bi) no one was surprised that it was another Marauder. They had always put one another above everything else. 

The Marauders were even more inseparable than before, now with the addition of Lily Evans, as she was James’ girlfriend and one of Remus’ best friends. Lily still had her reservations about Sirius, but now knowing that his actions could be explained by his love for Remus, she was a bit more understanding. Sirius would never admit he was still a little scared of her. 

In the days leading up to the January moon Sirius took much the same role as he did for the last one; he doted on Remus every second of the day. When Remus needed the quiet and the dark because of a migraine, Sirius made sure Remus could reach his mirror without moving, before going to the common room with his own. When Remus tossed and turned at night, he transformed into Padfoot so they could still be together but Remus had more room on the bed. When it was time for Remus to go to Pomfrey, Sirius packed him a bag with his favorite snacks, pajamas, and mirror to have as soon as he woke up in recovery, and helped him down to the hospital wing.

An hour later, Padfoot was the first out of the tunnel into the Shack to get to Remus. 

_ Moony? Moony Moony Moony!  _

Padfoot gently climbed onto the bed, lying down face to face, with Remus.

_ My Moony. Love. Love Moony. Moony is pack. _

_ Moony is Mate. _

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading my first chaptered fic! I'm truly grateful for every single kudos, comment, and bookmark. Please keep reading my fics because completing this fic has been a pretty big milestone for me as a writer (and while that may seem small to some, it's a big deal to me at this point) and has inspired me to write better and more regularly, so I'll be posting more soon. Probably mostly Wolfstar with some Drarry. 
> 
> I've never written smut before and I didn't want to go too explicit in case I didn't do it well enough to do this fic justice. I'll do some practice and maybe next time you'll get some (god knows I've read enough!). Maybe not. We'll see. I plan to write fics with ratings across the board eventually. 
> 
> I wasn't sure about the title of this chapter because I can never tell if I'm being way too obvious or way too cryptic, when it comes out of my own head. But basically I meant that it's the resolution of the story, that happens at New Year's. Not a literal New Year's resolution. Sorry, if I'm treating you like you're dumb by explaining it. The more I write, the more I'll be able to tell if I'm making enough sense! Haha!


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